Wow, this is the first time i walked off from you. and really, i hope that this would be the last. I know that i have a fucking attitude and its out of control. hey, but see. who burst this it out. I'm sensitive. i tried to get hold of myself so not to ruin your holiday. but you got me to ruin it. your tone, your words. and that fucked-up face of yours. it ruined. i couldn't say whatever i need to say to you ,on the spot. I'm pissed. nothing nice could come out from my mouth. it's beyond. i shook you off and walked far away. the one chasing after me wasnt you. yes, i am disappointed. i know we both got to cool down. this is the first time, i walked off. was i just trying to escape from the problem? or is it that i can't face it. what the fuck am i thinking ?! i have no idea. my very very fucking attitude carried me off. I told myself, before meeting you in the morning. i need to control my attitude and temper. i want to be good to you, at least. i really want to make everyday of yours happy and fufilling.
my only thing in mind when im with you is just to make you happy every second when you're with me. im trying. forcing a smile on my face although im not truly happy. all these hard works are not great achievements. but it is to me. just to gain a very very significant smile from you. This is my reward for all these efforts i put in. yes, you controlled your temper and attitude. but im losing grip of mine, what should i do? i really don't know. baby, i know you can't see the efforts im putting in . but im really really trying hard. we are together for so long. and i really dont want to lose you. you're already a part of my life. i may seem to be irritated with you or whatever so, but inside, im still loving you so much. i put in so much efforts during our first few months to gain your love. those tears, shoutings, fighting was our way leading to now. in those days, my eyes were swollen almost everyday. i was faking smiles telling people im alright. but deep inside, im tearing down. soon to collapse. this kind of feelings came back nowadays...
did you realise that there are more and more conflicts and quarrels between us? i dont know why is this happening. but i know im the one causing it. im not blamming you , but myself. baby, we walked through harder paths than usual couples and been through so much together. and yet, we could last till today. i really hope that this small little attitude thing will not pull us down...one year, two months. baby , i love you.